Dating in Beijing: the essentials

I finally got to meet my cousin's boyfriend, the one nobody in my family has met or approves of. You guys are getting an exclusive picture here! What may seem like two young adults dating, there's a lot more going on than just that. Unlike dating anywhere else, dating in Beijing comes with a whole list of requirements. Here's a checklist of essentials to look for in a suitor:
1) Height - is the guy at least 5'8" (considered tall). Height is not a big deal when it comes to girls but it is a problem if she's too tall, like my cousin Zhaojing who is 5'11".
2) Skin color - the paler the better. My cousin's boyfriend's mom said about Chloe, "She may be dark but she's got a good job."
3) Job - the male should have a job that has a promising future in a managerial position. The female should have a stable and "soft" job such has teaching, marketing, or HR.
4) Housing - parents usually buy several apartments so to make their kid more desirable. This is something provided by the parents, rarely the kids.
5) Car - on top of the apartment, parents also like to equip their single kids with cars to appeal to the opposite sex.
6) Parents - what the parents do and their financial situation is a huge factor. Nobody wants the burden of constantly supporting their in-laws. Also, it is considered an honor to have in-laws who are managers, professors, or diplomats.
7) City vs. Non-city - Beijingers prefer to date Beijingers, but non-city kids are very hard-working. Similar to people from small towns who try to make it big in NYC. So, if the non-city suitor is hard-working, the Beijinger will make an exception.
With all that said, if the person is incredibly hot, all of the above can be forgiven. Hahaha.

What Vietnamese women look for in a man

It really is true that grass is greener on the other side. Vietnamese men tend to be on the smaller side due to the hot climate and vegetable-heavy diet (meat is also expensive). So what do Vietnamese women look for? Men with big bellies to show wealth; that they're able to afford to eat a lot of food, especially meat. And as an added bonus, men with glasses are considered extra attractive because glasses show an abundance of knowledge; a well educated man.
With these requirements in mind, the guy pictured above from my tour group should be able to pull some major ass in Vietnam.

Dating in Vietnam

There's this large open grassy area in Ho Chi Minh city full of young couples lying out with their motorcycles close by. A typical date could involve cruising the streets on the guy's motorcycle, lying out, and then getting some coffee at a curbside cafe. Sounds like a perfect date except I would like to end the date with some ice cream!

Dating in Beijing: Matchmaking

Unlike in the U.S., where there's apparently "plenty of fish in the sea" for you to choose from, in Beijing, there are only a few fish to choose from.  Matchmaking has been a traditional practice that has survived multiple generations.  Although it is not as formal as it used to be (i.e., arranged marriages), it is still considered the safest and easiest way to find a husband/wife. 
My cousin Chloe (Chen Chen), 25, has been matched 3 times from relatives and family friends.  Couples are usually matched based on age, education, and family background.  Once a match is found, the friend or family member "presents" the suitor's info to the other suitor's family, and vise versa.  If both families agree, then a date is arranged for both parties to meet.  From there, it's up to the couple if they wish to maintain communication through QQ, which is similar to AIM in the U.S. 
Courtships tend to last shorter than in the U.S., couples could decide to get married in as little as 2-4 months.  The length of courtship usually depends on age and parental pressure. 
So back to my cousin Chloe...of the 3, she has continued communication with one.  This is considered her first boyfriend ever and she seems ready to marry him.  However, my family does not approve for various reasons, one being that he has an unstable job at a small company doing import/export.  Because the two of them were matched through a family friend, a lot of gossip has been traveled back and forth between the two families adding more fuel to the fire. 
 
Can you imagine dating like this?!

 

 

Addicted to affection

Time for one of my most favorite subjects: dating.  Growing up in Beijing, I can honestly say I never saw any sort of affection between a man and a woman.  I have never seen my parents hug or hold hands. It's not until recent years where affection has become somewhat trendy.  Although you still wouldn't see two people making out in public as you might everday around 4am in NYC, it is very common to see young couples holding hands and staring longingly at each other. 
To my surprise, there is also a verbal affection epidemic.  As I got off the plane, a Chinese man immediately got on his cell phone and announced, "Qin ai de, I've arrived."  The phrase "Qin ai de" literally translates to "the one I kiss and love," which I would consider the equivalent to "sweetheart" or "honey."

L.O.V.E.

No, this is not an Ashlee Simpson song. This post is about love. Before you go vomit, let me tell you that it's not mushy stuff. A while ago, I blogged about how Chinese people don't use the words "I love you." It's just not our style:

@ Yahoo! Video

I now want to modify my blog. From recent observations, the words "I love you" are somewhat commonly used among Chinese youth. Especially teenagers. Relationships have been, until recent years, for practical reasons. You date (usually one person), you marry, you have kids. You know that song from "Married with Children" that goes, "love and marriage..."? The love part was never a prerequisite for marriage in Chinese culture. Now, romance has been imported from Western culture and has permeated the younger generation. Teenagers are coupling up and celebrating Valentine's day by giving flowers, candy, and romantic cards with the words "I love you." Even my little cousin Kelly who is in the 3rd grade tells me that there are 4 couples in her class. And they always pass notes to each other with the words "I love you" (in English).

Whether it's puppy love or Hollywood love, Chinese youth are in love with the idea of love.

Meet: My Grandmother

My grandmother rocks. I can't even begin to express how awesome she is. She was born in 1933 and has 7 siblings: 3 younger, 4 older. She married my grandfather at the age of 19 and soon after gave birth to my dad. My grandmother never went to school but taught herself how to read and write. She has had many jobs in her life but her one true love is art.

When I was about 6 years old, my grandmother took me to her senior disco dance classes (I know some of you have heard this story a million times). That's when I fell in love with dancing, especially dancing with my grandmother. Aside from disco dancing, my grandmother is a talented seamstress and fashion designer. She has designed and sewn many of my clothes when I was a teenager. Recently, she took up painting and drawing. All of the art in this picture are her's! I am proud of her that now at the age of 75, she is able to pursue her passion full time. Did I mention she is also taking piano lessons?



As kids, we're all taught to respect the elderly. But in China, it goes a level beyond respect. The elderly are very fortunate in China. Instead of living in nursing homes or elderly care communities, most live with (or close to) one of their grown children. My grandparents live with my aunt, her husband, and my cousin. Women are able to retire at 50, men at 55, and reap full retirement benefits thereafter. As a result, many are able to take on new hobbies, go travel, and enjoy life much earlier than we would be able to in the states.

Just as a side note about my grandmother, although she is part of the older generation, she is much more liberal and open minded than her generation. I remember when I first started dating, she was very accepting of the idea (unlike many other Chinese grandmothers I know). I used to mail my high school dance pictures to her and she would secretly keep them in a book tucked away in a locked drawer. Still 'til this day, nobody else knows about it.

Meet my grandmother, the original dancing queen:

Why "Hot Wontons"?

*Warning: I use naughty language*